Friday, 21 February 2014

My Dear Writing,

After realised I've been writing a lot, Shauna suggested I may want to consider creative writing and raise it up to be part of an artwork or an artwork by itself. Rather than documenting, it should have its own right to be up front as I can write very well in Shauna's opinion.
Interestingly, no one has ever said that to my writing. But come to think of it, I have been considering my interest in text and writing language in terms of making it as an artwork. I just completely forgot when she said that, even though I've already made some text work without noticing that I intended to do so, and still looking for ways of making it in my own voice. When somebody you tend to listen to saying something like that, it supports what you have thought of yourself.
"What is your relationship between you and your writing?" asked Shauna.
I didn't have a right answer. I've been writing and documenting consistently since my life in London. It was cold there, surrounded by perfect strangers, confused cultures, far away from the familiar and comfort zone.
I knew I can write well since I was studying Children's Literature in Thailand. It came out of me naturally. I always indited what I liked, which was about my experience and perception of this world as a teenage. At times I let words and Thai patterns of poems lead my exploration of the stories. It seemed that I knew what I liked to write, what to start and end with, I had that feeling.
While I lived alone in the Britain's capital, I wrote more than usual, partly because we students were required to do the learning journal. I kept writing when I went back home after the London's course. Though I was home and met friends, I became addicted in writing as it's my friend who I could share everything without constraints, unlike the actual friends. I wrote even when I was watching TV with my mother who saw me usually busy with my notebook. She joked at the airport when I brought it with me to Glasgow and couldn't pick it out due to the overweight luggage, that I would come back to be a writer. 
I left my subject area, where surrounding people said I did well, to pursue art in this country. But it seemed that writing has always been with me. When I sit down anywhere with my notebook and pen, in a hectic lunchtime cafe or among socialising groups of people, I find a quiet and calm space for myself.
The question of relationship of me and my writing... probably I've already answered to myself along the years.

Thursday, 20 February 2014

By Being Passed By

It's a week and a half I haven't tested a door performance, since the last time in the city centre. I needed time to work out what worked and what not. Today it happened on Kelvin Bridge, just off the Kelvinbridge subway. Without a concrete door, this time I focused more on space rather than form. 2 persons walked alongside by leaving space between each other, so that pedestrians can walk through with or without noticing it. Another colleague documented during the walk. We did it 3 times, swopping partners, So everyone was performers and got the chance to observe (through the camera.) from different angles.
I want to do this walking performance again. Next time I'll walk twice slower than today. Though I told myself to walk slowly, when I confronted the scene of the city I felt like I was compelled to move faster against my intention. And having a route to finish in mind became a mission to be done as soon as possible. It took about 7.30 minutes per round. If it's double slower, we should have made it for 15 minutes which is very long considering the very short route on the normal pace. We can really focus on this journey, as though it's happening only one time, without repeating another round because it can become a task we have to rush finishing it. If my partner who will be walking with me is travelling on the route in this experience for the first time, he should be excited. I like this excitement because he's likely to be alert and it'll be my job to direct him, control his pace and care for his confrontation. As long as we keep it very slow I think we will also have more time to think about how we are going to deal with the upcoming obstacles. We keep walking yet we can stop either. It's not the essence of walking all the time to achieve the journey. If there's a person blocking our way, we can stop, wait and negotiate through body how we will share this same path. That's my job to be aware of my partner's obstacles. If he's struggling to make his way, I'll stop for him to clear his situation. But we just need to be really aware of each other's way and signal very well.

When I've become this moving wall, without any object catching people's attention, I could feel the rush, pace, speed. Traffic lights for pedestrians that we had to cross are calculated for the majority's walking speed. How can we find peace under the instant environment or even notice the slower?
          Is it actually the situation or our minds that busy?
          We have been so familiar and bound with places we usually commute and we no longer see them with the first eye experience. From now on, our minds start to wander somewhere else, parting from our physical presence. While we are walking, we are not really walking.
If you walk slower, you will feel everybody else walks quickly, rushing to destinations. You can even hear the sound of the environment clearer or feel the passing wind.
          Modern life in cities - we are oppressed. Such a shame we don't know how to walk slowly, we can't be patient and enjoy it. My flashing moment of going through a door, as a genesis of the idea, is not perhaps acquired by everyone. That's maybe why the door may not work, because it's not realised and even looked over. The perception of what it is has shifted again. I don't think there's anything to be achieved in terms of engaging the work with the audience as there's nothing I can do. What the "door" can do is only to reflect the unawareness of the modern life by being passed by.

Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Jigsaw Women With Horror Movie Shoes

I've tried to describe about the door perhaps because my colleagues want to know and suggest I should have some reason for my participants. I don't know. That's why I'm doing it. I'm doing it because I want to find out. But it's turned out to be inevitable that I'm discursively coerced into offering what they expect to know from me.
If I knew, I wouldn't do that door performance on streets, would I? If I knew everything about art I wouldn't be studying. Why is a final answer so important? Why do they want to fetter themselves with definition? Isn't an unusual experience I propose to the audience enough? Why do they want something more concrete, less conceptual and finitely valuable? I don't think this door project can be measured by common sense. Instead of answering, I should respond by questioning. Or just a very frankly simple ending answer of "I don't know."

Monday, 10 February 2014

I Poured My Aching Heart into a Pop Song Because I Couldn't Get the Hang of Poetry

According to the books I've read about inside-outside beings "The Poetics of Space" and "An Introduction to Zen Buddhism", they share a similar essence through poetry. Words, logic, symmetry became limited and lack of capability to describe anything out of definition, reason and asymmetry. Through poetry, we are not bound with opposition of division, for example, "yes" and "no", "in" and "out".
Having the door traveled on streets is to, perhaps, demolish the symmetrical intuition of door. It's become unfixed. It has no apparent purpose of destination where a participant opens in to and gets out of.
I'm trying to connect my door and experience from performance to the books I've researched but haven't succeeded. It's too complicated to combine thoughts to the very action of the door performance. They are not matched yet.
At least I think the notion of make-sense doors is changed. My door has traveled. It serves no purpose of logical place. It contains an inner space because people get in and out of it. They passed through an unusual moment where they became aware of transporting themselves to and from the door. IN and OUT don't define the familiar beings. The door still has 2 sides and IN and OUT statement yet it's different and doesn't contain hostility between 2 sides. Through the moment of passing through, one cares about himself. It's only a second, very short period of time, too short to think, that he opens to this experience without thinking and perceives what's happening. Concentrating, he has his mind with his body.
If I don't try to achieve the well combination of doctrines with my own door, I may achieve it. Actually I don't need to do so - try to make more sense to my door, to find answers for probably no wording answers. I don't also even have to analyse as it leads to fettering myself. So keep it open, even though I will not find any reasonable answers as I thought I was supposed to do.
I haven't had answers so I'm open.

Sunday, 9 February 2014

He Has Completed Himself

During the 2nd performance in the city centre, I had a script of saying IN and OUT when anybody getting through the door. I said IN when a participant's body is about to pass the door (I stood by the door's side so I could measure) and my colleagues standing on the other side followed by saying OUT when the body had passed through. Since the door is actually just a door frame instead of a real door that you can open and close, it's the job of the performers to define what this life-size frame is by stating IN and OUT, which are a philosophical binary and aspects of door, responding to the support of the audience's interaction. I also emphasised that this is the door when welcoming people. From a distance it might not be "seen" as a door, but by bodily engagement it should become clearer. And I think it's more fun to say something while people jumping in.
In addition, I was aware of health and safety with a swinging door, it's not as safe as building doors. On walk ways, I had to be careful of the door's swing in case pedestrians walking behind or could be hit. It's one of the reasons why it only has a door frame. More other than that I want to keep it as simple and open as it can be, rather than being an actual door which is already defined as a door and can't be anything else. If this is considered as a performance, I shouldn't rely on the object so much. Human is much more flexible than object, so why don't we make use of the performers.
As for the idea of the statement of IN and OUT, door always defines two sides of being. Since I appreciate the moment of becoming instead of being one thing and not the other, I would really like people to get through to complete themselves. From being on one side of the door, he has completed himself by transferring to the other side. Then he's neither IN nor OUT but being both, one each at a time. Perfectly normal as that.